use, and told by a caring stranger that his parents are dead. Think of that in isolation. Instead of being held by a loving grandmother or a trusted neighborhood friend, or someone who has been in his house before, played with him, maybe even put him down for the night before, your son could have the devastating and life-altering news that he will never see his parents again by a caring, but definitely not family, Child Services employee.
What wouldn’t you do to avoid that? In the next few days, your son could be transferred to a temporary foster home while the court system works on approving emergency and then permanent guardianship.
Talk about a life-changing event, that just got all the more traumatic. Finally, think about the years after that. So now your child is without parents from a very young age. How much does he remember?
Does he remember what your advice would be when he doesn’t want to go to college so he can chase a career in acting? Think about if only one parent passed, does your daughter hear your voice when your wife wants to start dating again? I’ve got news for you, your wife’s not going to win that argument with your daughter.
From your daughter’s point of view, of course, her mom would say you would have been OK with your surviving spouse dating someone else. You need to have written letters, or recorded videos or audio, that speak to your child for those major life events.
Now it’s not a fun exercise. In fact, it’s not fun at all, and hopefully, you can hand the envelope to your son on his high school graduation day, you can give the letter to your daughter on her wedding day, or console her when she wants to drop out three and a half years into a four-year degree.
Hopefully, you are around for those important life moments but if you’re not, simple, and frankly nonlegal, remedies can really help preserve your legacy with your kids.
That brings up another thing – the word “legacy” – here I’m not talking about money. I think that your real legacy lies in your stories and thoughts. Record something about your parents, your uncles, and aunts, and that one family reunion where your cousin fell into the water or your brother tipped the port-a-potty over while you were in it.
I have a story of my own right here – my brother made a snow fort fall on me it’s about a 10-minute story so I’m not going to take the time now but he made a snow fort collapse on me when we were kids.
To make that happen, he calculated every step of a basically 36-hour prank knowing exactly how I would react each step of the way, executed it perfectly, and the kicker is when I told on him ’cause you bet I told on him, my parents laughed what a perfect crime it was! My kids are going to know that story whether I’m around or not, whether my brother is around or not.
So there are two things parents of young kids should consider. Nominating guardians with thought, and preserving the true family legacy.